I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
do nipples grow back?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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