Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize