i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
