Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
