Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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