SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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