you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
