My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think i have herpe
just one?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
