so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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