i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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