Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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