I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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