Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
