why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
