Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
