you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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