I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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