Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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