We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
