You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
