So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
