You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
