thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
