Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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