Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
