Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
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my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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