I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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