help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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