Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
