just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize