I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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