Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
