so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
