Where did you get a picture of my penis
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
