Plan B is the new Plan A
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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