I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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