How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
