First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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