Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
