My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
