I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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