My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
