I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
