Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
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