Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
