u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
