So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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