I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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