i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Randomize
