I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
