Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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