who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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