then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
