I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
