I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
