then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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