I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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