I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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