If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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