dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I bet he comes in French.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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