I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
