I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
