Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
