I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
