and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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