I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
