he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
