just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
