why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
