dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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