I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
