I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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