I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
