I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
