capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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