is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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